How do you get a t-shirt on a statue anyway? (Matt Stone/Boston Herald)

Just like Spain’s strategic use of a “sorcerer” to put a hex on World Cup rival Portugal, Celtics fans believe rubbing the bronzed body of legendary coach Red Auerbach will boost their chances against the Lakers.

During the nailbiting NBA Finals, Boston fans have been flocking to the Faneuil Hall tourist trap to summon the spirit of the cigar-smoking Auerbach statue.  Talented photojournalist Matt Stone has documented the phenomenon with a Boston Herald slideshow.

Choking Red Auerbach, the coach who never choked. (Matt Stone/Boston Herald)

Stone has documented the bizarre poses that Celtics fans do with Red, including make-believe strangling and pretending to pick his nose.

Any possibility of giving Hall of Fame coach Red Auerbach his dignity back? (Matt Stone/Boston Herald)

Will stripping away the dignity of the Greatest Basketball Coach in History help out Paul Pierce and Kevin Garnett on the court this week?

We don’t know, but we do know this: die-hard Celtics fans have been kissing Red and affectionately picking his nose for years.

Smooching History: What Boston fan wouldn't want to nuzzle up to Red Auerbach's bronzed beard stubble?

SUBMITTED BY: Al Kaufman    LOCATION: Quincy Market, Boston

Some of our Boston readers were horrified when they saw this tourist aggressively pick the nose of bronzed Celtics legend Red Auerbach.

So here’s Celtics fanatic Al Kaufman to balance out the negative karma.

“Just because I’m a heterosexual man doesn’t mean that I can’t show love for the Celtic Patriarch,” he says. “I would have done the same thing if I ever met Red in person. And I’ll do it if I ever meet Bill Russell or Larry Bird, but not Kevin Garnett, because he might hit me.”

(Al Kaufman is a freelance music writer who has never been rejected by The New Yorker magazine.)

Being widely regarded as the best coach and savviest general manager in NBA history apparently isn't enough to safeguard your dignity.

SUBMITTED BY: Mike Faucher   LOCATION: Boston, Massachusetts (2003)

And you thought the frozen Ted Williams got abused?

The bronzed Red Auerbach, the basketball mastermind who coached the Boston Celtics dynasty in the 1960s and puffed cigar smoke in opponents’ faces, can’t get any respect either.

Says Tacky Tourist Photos model Mike Faucher: “Who says you can pick your friends, but you can’t pick your friends’ nose?”

Makes you wonder: How many other tourists dig for bronze mucus — whether from an NBA legend or Revolutionary War hero?

(Mike Faucher is a die-hard Boston Celtics fan who attended the auctioning of the remnants from the Old Boston Garden. He could not afford to bid on Red’s half-smoked, dried saliva-covered cigar).

ALSO SEE: Kissing Up to the Celtics Dynasty: Locking lips with Red Auerbach