"Anne of Green Gables" welcomes tourists to Prince Edward Island

SUBMITTED BY: Darren Garnick   LOCATION: Prince Edward Island, Canada (2009)

When I woke up this particular August morning, I had no idea that I later would be skipping around a Canadian village wearing braids and a vintage 1908-style dress.

Ironically, this all happened because I was checking if the Cavendish Figurines souvenir shop (at the Confederation Bridge) would display a Tacky Tourist Photos brochure.

Little did I suspect that the shop specializes in hilarious tourist photos, encouraging women and men of all ages to channel their inner “Anne of Green Gables.”

Sample "Annes" from the Tourist "Wall of Fame"

You can read about this savvy marketing strategy (and find out how often these green dresses are washed) in this Boston Herald business story.

Owners Jeannette Arsenault and Don Maxfield see themselves as Anne ambassadors and charge only $2 for the photo-op, figuring it will draw more customers into their store. It’s a successful gimmick that businesses in any tourist destination could easily emulate.

This statue, “The Spirit of Anne,” inspires many visitors to mimic the “Anne wave.”  Very few tourists pose with the Fonzie thumbs up (AAAAAAYYYYY!)

To my knowledge, I am also the first model to accessorize Anne’s look with Keen sports sandals — absolutely essential in the Prince Edward Island rain.

Next goal for TTP: Head to the “Little House on the Prairie” ranch in Kansas to channel my inner Laura Ingalls!

(Darren Garnick finds himself strangely attracted to green costumes, such as this especially attractive alligator ensemble).

EXCLUSIVE FEEDBACK FROM AN “ANNE” GURU!

Ingrid Lobo, a prominent “Anne of Green Gables” blogger and a moderator for Sullivan Entertainment’s “Anne of Green Gables” Message Boards, weighs in on how I would fare in an Anne lookalike contest:

“You’re the best male Anne I’ve ever seen, though you probably won’t be cast by Kevin Sullivan in any Anne (miniseries) sequels or prequels. It’s clear that you’re a kindred spirit, though you could use a few freckles and some more feminine shoes. You certainly have Anne’s earnest enthusiasm down.”

Thank you, Ingrid!

Nothing turns a guy on more than a baked Idaho potato!

SUBMITTED BY: Darren Garnick    LOCATION: O’Leary, Prince Edward Island (2009)

Home of Canada’s largest artificial potato, the PEI Potato Museum respectfully honors potato pin-up models, potato guns and even Mr. Potato Head.  But perhaps its most meaningful contribution to Canadian culture is its mournful documentation of diseases and pests that are deadly to the potato crop.

Reminiscent of the Ben & Jerry’s Ice Cream Graveyard, the museum morbidly places potato carcasses in cute little potato coffins!

There are many ways to kill a potato. The Swine Flu (H1N1 virus) is not one of them.

You have to give the museum curators credit. There’s no better way to scare kids about the perils of Bacterial Soft Rot than to present the cold, ugly reality in a spud coffin — which are perfectly sized for serving French fries, by the way.

Potato-munching monsters will inherit the earth. But only if we let them.

Because Tacky Tourist Photos seeks to educate as well as entertain, the potato on the left died from Potato Warts, “a serious and destructive fungus found only in Newfoundland and Labrador where the cool rainy weather favors its development.” These warts, not treatable with Compound W or other conventional means, range in size from a pea to a full potato.

The potato on the right was a victim of the insidious Potato Scab Gnat, which lays its eggs in the soft spots of a spud.  Those eggs become insidious potato-eating maggots.

For the record, the PEI Potato Museum does not serve thickly cut steak fries or any kind of fries, claiming that the oil from the Frialator would damage the antique potato harvesting wagons.

Not to mention the arteries of the scab gnats.

(Coming soon… The Potato Disease Photo Gallery, including Bacterial Soft Rot — only at TackyTouristPhotos.com!)