Smooching History: What Boston fan wouldn't want to nuzzle up to Red Auerbach's bronzed beard stubble?

SUBMITTED BY: Al Kaufman    LOCATION: Quincy Market, Boston

Some of our Boston readers were horrified when they saw this tourist aggressively pick the nose of bronzed Celtics legend Red Auerbach.

So here’s Celtics fanatic Al Kaufman to balance out the negative karma.

“Just because I’m a heterosexual man doesn’t mean that I can’t show love for the Celtic Patriarch,” he says. “I would have done the same thing if I ever met Red in person. And I’ll do it if I ever meet Bill Russell or Larry Bird, but not Kevin Garnett, because he might hit me.”

(Al Kaufman is a freelance music writer who has never been rejected by The New Yorker magazine.)

Plymouth Rock in the dark is just as anticlimactic as Plymouth Rock in the day.

SUBMITTED BY: Tacky Tourist Photos LOCATION: Plymouth, Mass. (2009)

This is the Tacky Tourist Photo that got away.

Moments earlier, a hoodie-wearing college kid and his girlfriend posed for each other while pretending to try to choke themselves (hands around their throats) with Plymouth Rock as a backdrop.

The camera angle was high, pointing down at their heads about 20 feet above the Rock, which is imprisoned in a lionpit-like cage.

These crazy college kids declined to discuss the significance of their moonlight choking ritual and they also declined to contribute to Tacky Tourist Photos.

Their loss.

From all of us here at Tacky Tourist Photos, have a Happy Thanksgiving!

Being widely regarded as the best coach and savviest general manager in NBA history apparently isn't enough to safeguard your dignity.

SUBMITTED BY: Mike Faucher   LOCATION: Boston, Massachusetts (2003)

And you thought the frozen Ted Williams got abused?

The bronzed Red Auerbach, the basketball mastermind who coached the Boston Celtics dynasty in the 1960s and puffed cigar smoke in opponents’ faces, can’t get any respect either.

Says Tacky Tourist Photos model Mike Faucher: “Who says you can pick your friends, but you can’t pick your friends’ nose?”

Makes you wonder: How many other tourists dig for bronze mucus — whether from an NBA legend or Revolutionary War hero?

(Mike Faucher is a die-hard Boston Celtics fan who attended the auctioning of the remnants from the Old Boston Garden. He could not afford to bid on Red’s half-smoked, dried saliva-covered cigar).

ALSO SEE: Kissing Up to the Celtics Dynasty: Locking lips with Red Auerbach