Boston Celtics star Shaquille O'Neal has promised to pose as a statue for fans, a la the bronzed Red Auerbach

Why wait until you’re dead to let fans climb all over your likeness?

According to the Boston Herald, basketball lovers will soon have a chance to pose with Shaq while he pretends to be a statue in Harvard Square. The groundrules: No talking, no autographs, just snapshots like you’d take with any tourist landmark.

Here’s the scoop:

Shamroq, as he would now like to be called, told 98.5 The Sports Hub’s Toucher and Rich yesterday that he’ll tweet the deets soon. But remember, there’s “no conversation.” Just sitting and snapping of pics for an hour. And shooing away pigeons, we guess!

“Am I allowed to put my arm around you?” asked Toucher.

“Yes, of course, I’m a statue,” said Shaq.

“Can I put my son in your lap?” inquired Fred.

“Of course,” said the big (patient) one. “I’m a statue.”

We hope that tourists are nicer to Shaq than they are to Red!

Digging for bronze mucus apparently is a turn-on for some people.

Norm from "Cheers" at the tourist satellite branch of the famous Boston pub

SUBMITTED BY: Al Kaufman    LOCATION: Boston, Massachusetts

Ted Danson and Shelly Long could probably walk the streets of Boston unrecognized these days, but the city’s tourist district is still milking the dividends from “Cheers.”

I mean, hey, who wouldn’t want to share a beer with a cardboard cutout of George Wendt?

“I always wanted to have a beer with Norm,” explains Al. “His weight and pathetic life would have been good for my self-esteem. This is the closest I’m ever going to get.”

Lurking in the background, and occupying more high profile real estate in the bar, is tarnished Red Sox slugger David Ortiz.

Norm has a slightly bigger belly, but at least his substance abuse problem is all natural — and legal!

(Al Kaufman is a freelance music writer who has never been rejected by The New Yorker magazine.)

Being widely regarded as the best coach and savviest general manager in NBA history apparently isn't enough to safeguard your dignity.

SUBMITTED BY: Mike Faucher   LOCATION: Boston, Massachusetts (2003)

And you thought the frozen Ted Williams got abused?

The bronzed Red Auerbach, the basketball mastermind who coached the Boston Celtics dynasty in the 1960s and puffed cigar smoke in opponents’ faces, can’t get any respect either.

Says Tacky Tourist Photos model Mike Faucher: “Who says you can pick your friends, but you can’t pick your friends’ nose?”

Makes you wonder: How many other tourists dig for bronze mucus — whether from an NBA legend or Revolutionary War hero?

(Mike Faucher is a die-hard Boston Celtics fan who attended the auctioning of the remnants from the Old Boston Garden. He could not afford to bid on Red’s half-smoked, dried saliva-covered cigar).

ALSO SEE: Kissing Up to the Celtics Dynasty: Locking lips with Red Auerbach