Tacky Tourist Photos

SUBMITTED BY: Bobbi Kraham  LOCATION: Jama (Manabi Province), Ecuador (2016)

On first glance, this roadside sculpture in Jama, Ecuador, appears to be King Kong, based on its damsel-in-distress design. A staircase inside the ape lets travelers climb up to the head and look out his mouth or squeeze inside his clenched hand. However, upon further research by the Tacky Tourist Photos staff, this is more likely a representation of the “Mapinguari,” the Bigfoot of the Amazon.

Damsel in Distress

“I’m not a fan of monster movies, but how could I NOT take this picture?” says Bobbi.

Wideshot of the Mapinguari Photo-Op in Jama, Ecuador

According to local folklore, the Mapinguari will seek revenge on humans who do not respect the nature of the Amazon Rainforest. If you ever run into one of these creatures, keep your distance.  The New York Times says they are “stinky, hairy and mean.”

(Maryland’s Bobbi Kraham recently visited Ecuador with an international relief agency providing aid after an earthquake.)

Decapitation at Camden Yards?

SUBMITTED BY: Eliza Truitt    LOCATION: Baltimore, Maryland (2011)

Or to be more accurate, a woman-eating bird…

Why is the Baltimore Oriole about to bite off the head off this innocent baseball fan?

Maybe because she was outed as a die-hard Mariners fan!

(Eliza Truitt is an enterprising wedding photographer who has been stalking Bigfoot with her husband, Steve Mandich, the unofficial historian of the defunct Seattle Pilots).

Susan didn't take her rock star fantasy too far by smashing the guitar.

SUBMITTED BY: Susan Mills    LOCATION: Baltimore, Maryland (2008)

Susan says she’s channeling Alice Cooper and Wayne Campbell (aka Mike Myers) from “Wayne’s World.”  Looks like from the classy finger posturing, she’s also channeling Lady Gaga.

The City That Reads or The City That Bleeds?

SUBMITTED BY: Jonathan Willis    LOCATION: Baltimore, Maryland

Before you jump on the branding buffoons who came up with Baltimore’s “City That Reads” advertising slogan, take note that the city’s intelligentsia mocks it, too.

Noting the high murder rate and births out of wedlock, locals have suggested that “The City That Bleeds” or “The City That Breeds” might be more appropriate. Particularly cruel is “The City That Reads …. at a Third Grade Level.”

And Baltimore’s alternative weekly newspaper, City Paper, weighs in with this gem: “More Literate than Akron.”

If that one ever sticks, Akron will have to shell out for a branding consultant.

Our TTP model Jonathan notes that his home city would have been better off calling itself “The City That Writes,” bragging about spawning literary legends Edgar Allan Poe and H.L. Mencken.

“But I’ll settle for anything that keeps the focus on the disconnect between being a poor city in a wealthy state,” he says. “Irony wrapped in kitsch is the only way to go.”

(Jonathan Willis is a public school English teacher who believes in the power of reading.)

Nothing charms a beautiful woman more than a Tacky Tourist Photo…

The TTP curators happened to cross paths with all 53 Miss America contestants last week at a fashion show in Las Vegas — and world peace never came up once in conversation!

Miss Maryland Brooke Poklemba calls Tacky Tourist Photos a "great idea."

Brooke, we appreciate the invite 🙂

Miss Massachusetts Amanda Kelly wishes us "safe travels" with a smiley face

Very classy, Amanda!

Miss Kansas Becki Ronen

Becki reminds us that no matter how much we love to travel, “There’s no place like home.”

Miss Louisiana Katherine Putnam

God Bless You, Too, Katherine…

Nicole, you need to plan ahead about how to fit in all those consonants!

Miss Kentucky Mallory Ervin

We know this is worse than telling an NFL quarterback that he throws like a girl, but Mallory, your penmanship looks like a guy’s. Scrap the ALL-CAPS thing and try a few more hearts to dot your i’s.

Miss Indiana Nicole Pollard

Nicole, we’re digging the doodled crown topping your signature.

Miss California Kristy Cavinder was named a preliminary talent winner for her Ballet en Pointe performance to the Slave Maiden Variation from "Le Corsaire."

“Always” is the perfect high school yearbook salutation. Luv ya 4-eva! Don’t eva change!

Anne Michael Langguth plays the Glee card and shows the sexy side of the violin

Tune into this space later this week to find out why Miss Iowa inscribed her picture to Dino Flintstone…