Tacky Tourist Photos

As Winnie the Pooh demonstrates, Disney World is the Land of Milk and Honey

SUBMITTED BY: Greg Constantine   LOCATION: Orlando, Florida (2009)

Having absolutely no fear of public drinking fountains, holding subway poles or sticking his tongue on supermarket carts, Greg eagerly awaits his first taste of germ-covered pretend honey.

H1N1 virus be damned!

(Filmmaker Greg Constantine is the founder and CEO of Galaxy Editing and the Editor-in-Chief of TrafficScoop.com, a news service devoted to transportation issues).

Nothing charms a beautiful woman more than a Tacky Tourist Photo…

The TTP curators happened to cross paths with all 53 Miss America contestants last week at a fashion show in Las Vegas — and world peace never came up once in conversation!

Miss Maryland Brooke Poklemba calls Tacky Tourist Photos a "great idea."

Brooke, we appreciate the invite

Miss Massachusetts Amanda Kelly wishes us "safe travels" with a smiley face

Very classy, Amanda!

Miss Kansas Becki Ronen

Becki reminds us that no matter how much we love to travel, “There’s no place like home.”

Miss Louisiana Katherine Putnam

God Bless You, Too, Katherine…

Nicole, you need to plan ahead about how to fit in all those consonants!

Miss Kentucky Mallory Ervin

We know this is worse than telling an NFL quarterback that he throws like a girl, but Mallory, your penmanship looks like a guy’s. Scrap the ALL-CAPS thing and try a few more hearts to dot your i’s.

Miss Indiana Nicole Pollard

Nicole, we’re digging the doodled crown topping your signature.

Miss California Kristy Cavinder was named a preliminary talent winner for her Ballet en Pointe performance to the Slave Maiden Variation from "Le Corsaire."

“Always” is the perfect high school yearbook salutation. Luv ya 4-eva! Don’t eva change!

Anne Michael Langguth plays the Glee card and shows the sexy side of the violin

Tune into this space later this week to find out why Miss Iowa inscribed her picture to Dino Flintstone…

Smack in the heart of the Bible Belt Vegas

SUBMITTED BY: Rachel and Steve Moore   LOCATION: Branson, Missouri (2009)

Rachel and her brother Steve weren’t looking for a religious experience when they hit the Hollywood Wax Museum in Branson. Most of the museum met their expectations (Forrest Gump on a bench, Marilyn Monroe, Elvis, etc.), but the glowing room with the Pope and organ music seemed “pretty creepy.”

For the record, those are Rachel’s words, not ours.  But she fully stands behind them.

“We decided to seal our fate of going to Hell by making the Last Supper a little gangsta,” Rachel says. “Down with Branson! …I’m pretty sure the hills have eyes there.”

(St. Louis natives Rachel and Steve Moore “love anything that doesn’t take itself too seriously, like Tacky Tourist Photos!”).

Quatchi, aka Saquatch or Bigfoot, is one of three mascots for the 2010 Winter Olympic Games in Vancouver.

SUBMITTED BY: Steve Mandich and Eliza Truitt LOCATION: British Columbia, Canada (2009)

In all the mysterious Bigfoot sightings over the years, no one ever comes back with a sharp, vivid photo.

Until now.

Turns out that Sasquatch, or “Quatchi,” as his closest friends call him, has just been searching the wilderness for an old-fashioned hug.

(Steve Mandich and Eliza Truitt track Bigfoot’s every step, including his frequent socializing with celebrities, at their comprehensive “Quatchi Watch” blog.  Steve also is the survivor of humiliating hazing at the Colonial Williamsburg stockades).

Yukking it up in the bustling Istanbul marketplace, world famous for the quality and selection of its handcrafted toilet seats.

SUBMITTED BY: Tara Seppa   LOCATION: Instanbul, Turkey (2009)

Rest assured, she only performs with clean toilet seats!

(Travel junkie and adventure blogger Tara Seppa is currently based in Prague).

I Dream of Salt Flats?

SUBMITTED BY: Elizabeth    LOCATION: Salinas Grande Salt Flats, Argentina (2009)

If Coca Cola’s ad agencies don’t immediately snap up this spirited woman as their new spokesmodel, then Pepsi or RC Cola should POUNCE.

This is the most clever use of a Coke bottle since the anthropological comedy film “The Gods Must Be Crazy.”

But take a look at how Elizabeth sells the high-energy Coke Dance. Head in the clouds, wide smile, heartfelt use of the double peace sign. We envision a full line of Coke Genie action figures, dolls and accessories!

(Writer and photographer Elizabeth and her husband Dave devoted the last two months of 2008 and all of 2009 to a once-in-a-lifetime World Adventure, covering 26 different countries on six continents).

Getting in the right frame of mind to watch the Daytona 500

SUBMITTED BY: Laura, a.k.a. “The Wander Woman”  LOCATION: Daytona, Florida (2009)

Awwwwwww, isn’t he SIMPLY ADORABLE?

The Daytona 500 has no shortage of drunks, to be sure, but how many members of NASCAR nation go the extra mile to coordinate their wardrobe with their beverage?  Does he have cute little matching Jack Daniels socks, too?

And gotta love the wine-in-the-box-outta-the-box.  Very classy.

Laura says her only regret about this photo is that she did not get a shot of this gentleman’s checkered flag pants.  He explained “when they fly off, you’re reached the finish line!”  Seriously.

(The Wander Woman offers an irreverent recap of her “adventures on the road less traveled.”)

CASHING IN ON IRONY: Icehotel's Icebar served frozen drinks to delegates at Copenhagen's Climate Change Summit.

SUBMITTED BY: Eugene Mirman  LOCATION: Copenhagen (2009)

Eugene Mirman, the edgiest Russian-American comedian since Yakov Smirnoff, relaxes at the Icebar at Copenhagen’s Icehotel during some downtime at the United Nations Climate Change Conference.

Revelers are issued Antarctic-quality parkas — which really alters the meat-market singles scene — and there are plenty of goofy photo-ops for both the sober and drunk clientele.

Here, Mr. Mirman does his best impression of Austin Powers frozen for eternity — and we do notice a rather subtle nod to the googly-eyes of legendary comedian Marty Feldman.

SMARTER THAN TED WILLIAMS -- Comedian Eugene Mirman sprung for his whole body to be frozen, not just his loveable head.

The big question: Does the Icehotel have ice machines for the rooms or are you supposed to take a chisel to the hallway?

(Eugene Mirman recently hit Number 5 on Amazon.com’s Best Comedy Albums of 2009. Find out how he really feels about Iranian madman Mahmoud Ahmadinejad).

The Infamous Cairo Camel Leap is not as easy as it looks!

SUBMITTED BY: Emily Berezin   LOCATION: Cairo, Egypt (2009)

Wouldn’t the Middle East Peace talks be a little less boring with cheerleaders?

This once-in-a-lifetime pose was not done with Photoshop or trick photography. Emily simply jumped off the camel, which is resting on its stomach on the scorching desert sands of Giza.

Emily’s enthusiasm, optimism and exuberance (we read a lot into a facial expression) represents the upbeat attitude of the Tacky Tourist Photos executive board as we launch a new decade of searching for the world’s silliest vacation photos.

From all of us here in the TTP newsroom, HAPPY NEW YEAR!

(Globetrotter Emily Berezin, a pioneer in recycled supermarket fashions, frequently enjoys playing dress-up with the Ecuadorian military).

Critically acclaimed comedian Eugene Mirman flips the double bird to Iranian madman Mahmoud Ahmadinejad at the 2009 Copenhagen Climate Change Summit.

SUBMITTED BY: Eugene Mirman   LOCATION: Copenhagen, Denmark

Sometimes we surprise ourselves with the level of sophistication and political clout of our Tacky Tourist correspondents. Comedian Eugene Mirman recently trekked to Denmark to report on the most pretentiously named international summit of 2009 — the COP15 United Nations Climate Change Conference in Copenhagen.

Just like Tacky Tourist Photos, those global warming nutcakes just love alliteration.

Hey COP15, how do you think your keynote speaker Mahmoud Ahmadinejad’s nuclear weapons are going to impact global warming? From the Iranian madman’s mouth, here’s the chilling answer: “From now on, we will be the ones who make demands.”

On a more lighthearted note, here’s Mirman’s Emmy-worthy report on the insane Copenhagen protest movement:

(According to Google, Eugene Mirman is the fourth most popular Eugene in the world.  His latest album, “God is a Twelve Year Old Boy With Aspergers,” is Number 5 on Amazon.com’s Best Comedy Albums of 2009. )

Tacky Tourist Photos is obviously a fun and wildly insightful online project, but there’s nothing like actually meeting fellow fans of the genre!

As you may already know from our fruitful media campaign, we were delighted to participate in our first live art gallery show, New Hampshire’s  Floating Gallery — thank you, Beth Eisenberg — with 14 of the region’s most prestigious photographers, painters, sculptors and multimedia artists.  The Floating Gallery is a phenomenal cultural business model, simultaneously spreading buzz for the local art scene and raising money for several amazing charities.

For those of you who couldn’t join us, here’s a “Top 10″ list of awesome things about the event:

#10. MonaPalooza: free photo-op giving visitors an opportunity to provide their take on La Gioconda!

#9. Tacky Tourist Treats: Yodels!  Is there a classier or more appropriate appetizer?

#8. Bargains Galore: For a limited time only, we will match our Floating Gallery prices for our on-line friends. Any Tacky Tourist Photo on this Web site is available as an 11 x 14″ enlargement mounted on archival-quality foamcore for only $50 — with one exception.  The Jessica Simpson “Waxual Harassment” photo is $350.  All profits will benefit the Nashua Soup Kitchen & Shelter. Email us at tackytouristphotos (@) gmail.com for details.

#7. Cash Bar: When our careers soar higher, we will offer an open bar. Even for you, Uncle Henry.

#6. Awkward encounter with artist who also had a Mona Lisa (the TTP equivalent of wearing the same dress to a cocktail party…)

#5. Making young people smile!

#4. Making older people smile!

#3. Mingling with New Hampshire’s cultural elite!

#2. Celebrity Appearances — Brian Henderson, the Tacky Tourist visionary behind the Golden Gate Snack and the Ugandan Tourist Trap photos, graciously greeted fans and answered questions.

#1: Raising money for Nashua Soup Kitchen & Shelter. Thanks to everyone who donated!  If you missed out on feeding the piggy bank, you can still help by clicking here.

If you would like to book a Tacky Tourist art photography show at your quaint art gallery or for your Sweet Sixteen Party or Bar/Bat Mitzvah, please inquire at tackytouristphotos (@) gmail.com.

Silvio Berlusconi could have been impaled by the dagger-shaped gargoyles of his attacker's souvenir cathedral statue

At an emergency session, the Executive Board of Tacky Tourist Photos unconditionally condemned the use of a souvenir statue to attack Italian Prime Minister Silvio Burlesconi at a political rally in Milan:

“Whereas souvenir statues are meant to be peacefully displayed on dusty bookshelves and mantelpieces…. And whereas the Duomo Cathedral of Milan is a beacon of serenity and a timeless cultural treasure….

“TACKY TOURIST PHOTOS universally and irrevocably condemns the unprecedented use of a souvenir shop trinket to mercilessly break the nose of Italian leader Silvio Burlesconi.

“TACKY TOURIST PHOTOS also condemns the use of snowglobes, souvenir back-scratchers and novelty salt-and-pepper shakers as weaponry to be deployed against elected officials of any government friendly to the United States.”

The Executive Board resolution is the third time that Tacky Tourist Photos has taken a formal position on an international crisis related to tourism. The board had previously condemned the brutal souvenir coffee mug attack on the Mona Lisa and the outrageous Minnie Mouse groping incident at DisneyWorld.

MYSTERY PHOTO-OP -- Do you know where the Resnicks snapped these photos?

SUBMITTED BY: Rebecca & Steven Resnick     LOCATION: Israel (2008)

Their family vacation was only a year ago, but Rebecca and her brother Steven can’t remember exactly where they took these precious “Hole-in-the-Head” shots of Moses and a Crusader.

“We know it was somewhere in northern Israel, possibly in the Golan Heights area, but disagree on whether it was a historic site or just a rest stop,” Rebecca says. “Basically we both remember stopping for water, a packaged ice cream sandwich, watching a bad movie about something having to do with Moses, and then getting back in the car.”

“Fortunately, there were other parts of the trip that left a more lasting impression,” she adds.

Well, we’re intrigued.  Anyone out there know which historical rest stop shows B-movies about Moses AND sells ice cream sandwiches?

(Rebecca Resnick is a writer and freelance television producer who has worked on shows for Animal Planet, the Travel Channel and the Science Channel. She usually stays behind the scenes — except when it comes to faceless cardboard cutouts, which she finds irresistible.)

Big sisters have an oh-s0-special way of saying "I Love You." The Mandich family enjoys Virginia's Colonial Williamsburg historical theme park in 1975.

SUBMITTED BY: Steve Mandich  LOCATION: Williamsburg, Virginia (1975)

The Stockholm Syndrome is when a hostage starts to empathize with his or captors. The Colonial Williamsburg Syndrome is when a torture victim has no memory of being tortured.

Five-year-old Steve Mandich is seen here lifelessly dangling from the stockades as sister Cheryl, 10, sticks out her tongue in mockery and sister Linda, 12, kindly makes sure his neck doesn’t snap if he tries to get his feet back on the ground.

Ah, sisterly love!

Steve doesn’t remember posing for this picture and no longer has any abrasions or splinters on his neck. But he says he is not surprised that Cheryl and Linda skipped over the churning butter and quilting opportunities in favor of tormenting him.

“It probably wasn’t all that different from what my big sisters routinely subjected me to on a daily basis!” Steve claims.

(Steve Mandich is the author of Evel Incarnate: The Life and Legend of Evel Knievel, which is by far the wittiest and most balanced biography on the iconic daredevil. He is also a bonafide expert on the Seattle Pilots, Seattle Mariners, Bigfoot and Quatchi, the new Sasquatch mascot of the 2010 Vancouver Winter Olympics).

OPEN CALL FOR VINTAGE TOURIST PHOTOS! — This gem from the Mandich family was unearthed in their vacation archives. What’s hiding in your family scrapbooks? This holiday season you have another excuse to take them off the shelf and reminisce. For information on how submit a photo for TTP immortality, click here!

One of the curators of Tacky Tourist Photos bravely poses as the Poutiest Mona Lisa of All Time!

NASHUA, NH — To raise money for the Nashua Soup Kitchen, the curators of TackyTouristPhotos.com will stage a daring and ambitious piece of performance art called “Be the Mona Lisa” at the Floating Art Gallery on Sunday, Dec. 6.

Visitors will substitute their heads for the famous smiling lady immortalized by Leonardo da Vinci. Yes, this is the same Mona Lisa that survived a brutal coffee mug attack at the Louvre.  Why wait in those long lines in Paris, when you can zip up Route 3 North and scoot over to the Courtyard Marriott?  The excitement lasts from 6-9 p.m. and includes live music and a cash bar.

Tacky Tourist Photos will join more than a dozen artists, painters, photographers and sculptors at the charity benefit, at which a portion of sales will help one of the following causes: The Healthy NH Foundation; Big Brothers, Big Sisters of Greater Manchester; the Nashua Humane Society; St. Jude Children’s Hospital; Children’s International; Nashua Area Artist’s Association; Nashua Soup Kitchen; New England Aquarium; Animal Rescue League of NH; and the ASPCA.

Equally significant will be the culinary experience of enjoying complimentary Tacky Appetizers, which are rumored to involve delicately sliced Hostess and Little Debbie treats.

For more information, visit the Floating Gallery.

And doesn’t Pete just make the cutest Mona Lisa?