Tacky Tourist Photos

Heather is one of thousands of people -- women and men -- to exchange wedding vows with heartthrob George Clooney at the Madame Tussaud's Wax Museum in Las Vegas

SUBMITTED BY: Heather Wang    LOCATION: Las Vegas, Nevada (2009)

So much for the so-called Ugly American, that hateful 1958 political novel that forever stereotyped U.S. tourists and business people as loud, egotistical and obnoxious.

Quite the contrary, it turns out that Americans — like Heather and husband-to-be George Clooney — are not so ugly after all. According to a recent international poll of 5,000 British travelers, the United States is home to the world’s most attractive people.

The folks at OnePoll.com say having Jessica Alba, Jennifer Aniston and Brad Pitt in our gene pool all make our country a “hotbed” of gorgeousness.

Actor George Clooney, a perennial nominee for Sexiest Man of the Year, does his part, too. His alter-ego is polygamous, marrying hundreds of female and male brides a day at Madame Tussaud’s Wax Museum in Las Vegas.

The wax George Clooney has multiple wives

Extra props go out to Heather for her acting ability. Look how affectionately she is holding the Wax Clooney’s hand.

Fake Clooney Tenderness

And best of luck to the real Mr. Clooney, who is up for an Oscar this weekend for Best Actor in “Up in the Air.”

(Heather Wang last yukked it up with skirt-chasing golfer Tiger Woods — long before he got caught).

Hiking to the top of Kolob Canyon in three easy steps

SUBMITTED BY: Chris Hartzell and Ame Wells    LOCATION: Zion National Park, Utah (2009)

Why bother with the burros and those eroding switchback trails when you can just use the shortcut?

Nature photographer Chris Hartzell has amazing balance to be able to maintain this Karate Kid pose. And his wife Ame has laser beam vision to be able to line up Chris’ hands so perfectly.

Many people try these “forced perspective” trick photos, but most of the time the hands are usually off by a few millimeters or so.

As for the hazards of forging his own Kolob Canyon trail, well, let’s just say that Chris is used to flirting with danger. The ballistic shark below is digitally enhanced, but those stunning chompers are the real deal.

Deep Throat

Diving off the coast of the Guadalupe Islands, Chris stuck his head outside his shark cage to get this shot and you can read about what happened after that here.

(Adventure photographers Chris Hartzell and Ame Wells enjoy digital painting their favorite pictures. Check out their butterflies, cheetahs, elephants, tree frogs and wildflowers at PhotoStrokes.net )

* CORRECTION: This post originally referred to the Grand Canyon as the location of this photo. Wrong state. Wrong canyon. And we deeply regret misleading our readers. But the beauty of the picture remains the same.

Sarasota Jungle Gardens, one of America's oldest zoos

SUBMITTED BY: Ari Zackin   LOCATION: Sarasota, Florida (2010)

Contrary to popular belief, a concrete tiger will never hurt you — as long as you leave it alone.

(Ari Zackin and his father Mark blog about their travels at http://zackinfamily.wordpress.com )

U.S. Senator Barack Obama does his best Superman pose after a town hall meeting in Metropolis, Illinois

Barack Obama has millions of friends. Barack Obama has millions of enemies.

We don’t get caught up in domestic political squabbles here at Tacky Tourist Photos, although we do occasionally stick our nose into international affairs.

Bottom line is this.  TTP loves Barack Obama for fulfilling our spirit and mission during this 2006 campaign stop.

We invite him and all former U.S. Presidents still alive to continue this practice and pose with the Red Auerbach statue in Boston, the Anne of Green Gables statue on Prince Edward Island, the chorus line creature on Martha’s Vineyard and the stale Michael Jackson marzipan sculpture in Hungary.

(Thanks to conservative radio talk show host Michael Graham for unearthing this gem on his Natural Truth blog).

Nutrition Tip: Eating whole fruit instead of drinking fruit juice is a much better source of natural fiber.

SUBMITTED BY: Kerry Byrne LOCATION: Florida (2010)

Move over, Jenny Craig.

Football guru Kerry Byrne has developed a fool-proof diet plan.

“If you want to look like you’ve lost weight, stand next to something much larger and rounder than you,” he says. “Voila! I don’t look a pound over 250 anymore.”

Keep your eye on where dieting role models Valerie Bertinelli and Jason “George Constanza” Alexander are photographed over the next few weeks.

(Carnivore Kerry Byrne is the founder, chief pundit and editor of Cold Hard Football Facts, the premiere gridiron thinktank on the planet. His wife is not a fan of roadside kitsch and refused to take this photograph. Thank you, Indian River lady!)

Skirt-chasing Tiger Woods frozen in time at Madame Tussaud's Wax Museum in Las Vegas

SUBMITTED BY: Heather Wang   LOCATION: Las Vegas, Nevada (2009)

In retrospect, it should have been obvious that Tiger Woods had much more on his mind on the golf course. Look at that gaze. We suspect he isn’t thinking about what par this hole is — or that he even cares that this woman has a rather unusual putting technique.

Tacky Tourist Photos curator Ilya Mirman expresses dismay after a heart-to-heart talk with Tiger Woods about his womanizing.

Tiger’s infidelity, by the way, cost him a lucrative endorsement deal with TTP.

As Winnie the Pooh demonstrates, Disney World is the Land of Milk and Honey

SUBMITTED BY: Greg Constantine   LOCATION: Orlando, Florida (2009)

Having absolutely no fear of public drinking fountains, holding subway poles or sticking his tongue on supermarket carts, Greg eagerly awaits his first taste of germ-covered pretend honey.

H1N1 virus be damned!

(Filmmaker Greg Constantine, founder and CEO of Galaxy Editing, refuses to vacation at destinations NOT operated by Disney).

Nothing charms a beautiful woman more than a Tacky Tourist Photo…

The TTP curators happened to cross paths with all 53 Miss America contestants last week at a fashion show in Las Vegas — and world peace never came up once in conversation!

Miss Maryland Brooke Poklemba calls Tacky Tourist Photos a "great idea."

Brooke, we appreciate the invite

Miss Massachusetts Amanda Kelly wishes us "safe travels" with a smiley face

Very classy, Amanda!

Miss Kansas Becki Ronen

Becki reminds us that no matter how much we love to travel, “There’s no place like home.”

Miss Louisiana Katherine Putnam

God Bless You, Too, Katherine…

Nicole, you need to plan ahead about how to fit in all those consonants!

Miss Kentucky Mallory Ervin

We know this is worse than telling an NFL quarterback that he throws like a girl, but Mallory, your penmanship looks like a guy’s. Scrap the ALL-CAPS thing and try a few more hearts to dot your i’s.

Miss Indiana Nicole Pollard

Nicole, we’re digging the doodled crown topping your signature.

Miss California Kristy Cavinder was named a preliminary talent winner for her Ballet en Pointe performance to the Slave Maiden Variation from "Le Corsaire."

“Always” is the perfect high school yearbook salutation. Luv ya 4-eva! Don’t eva change!

Anne Michael Langguth plays the Glee card and shows the sexy side of the violin

Tune into this space later this week to find out why Miss Iowa inscribed her picture to Dino Flintstone…

Smack in the heart of the Bible Belt Vegas

SUBMITTED BY: Rachel and Steve Moore   LOCATION: Branson, Missouri (2009)

Rachel and her brother Steve weren’t looking for a religious experience when they hit the Hollywood Wax Museum in Branson. Most of the museum met their expectations (Forrest Gump on a bench, Marilyn Monroe, Elvis, etc.), but the glowing room with the Pope and organ music seemed “pretty creepy.”

For the record, those are Rachel’s words, not ours.  But she fully stands behind them.

“We decided to seal our fate of going to Hell by making the Last Supper a little gangsta,” Rachel says. “Down with Branson! …I’m pretty sure the hills have eyes there.”

(St. Louis natives Rachel and Steve Moore “love anything that doesn’t take itself too seriously, like Tacky Tourist Photos!”).

Quatchi, aka Saquatch or Bigfoot, is one of three mascots for the 2010 Winter Olympic Games in Vancouver.

SUBMITTED BY: Steve Mandich and Eliza Truitt LOCATION: British Columbia, Canada (2009)

In all the mysterious Bigfoot sightings over the years, no one ever comes back with a sharp, vivid photo.

Until now.

Turns out that Sasquatch, or “Quatchi,” as his closest friends call him, has just been searching the wilderness for an old-fashioned hug.

(Steve Mandich and Eliza Truitt track Bigfoot’s every step, including his frequent socializing with celebrities, at their comprehensive “Quatchi Watch” blog.  Steve also is the survivor of humiliating hazing at the Colonial Williamsburg stockades).

Yukking it up in the bustling Istanbul marketplace, world famous for the quality and selection of its handcrafted toilet seats.

SUBMITTED BY: Tara Seppa   LOCATION: Instanbul, Turkey (2009)

Rest assured, she only performs with clean toilet seats!

(Travel junkie and adventure blogger Tara Seppa is currently based in Prague).

I Dream of Salt Flats?

SUBMITTED BY: Elizabeth    LOCATION: Salinas Grande Salt Flats, Argentina (2009)

If Coca Cola’s ad agencies don’t immediately snap up this spirited woman as their new spokesmodel, then Pepsi or RC Cola should POUNCE.

This is the most clever use of a Coke bottle since the anthropological comedy film “The Gods Must Be Crazy.”

But take a look at how Elizabeth sells the high-energy Coke Dance. Head in the clouds, wide smile, heartfelt use of the double peace sign. We envision a full line of Coke Genie action figures, dolls and accessories!

(Writer and photographer Elizabeth and her husband Dave devoted the last two months of 2008 and all of 2009 to a once-in-a-lifetime World Adventure, covering 26 different countries on six continents).

Getting in the right frame of mind to watch the Daytona 500

SUBMITTED BY: Laura, a.k.a. “The Wander Woman”  LOCATION: Daytona, Florida (2009)

Awwwwwww, isn’t he SIMPLY ADORABLE?

The Daytona 500 has no shortage of drunks, to be sure, but how many members of NASCAR nation go the extra mile to coordinate their wardrobe with their beverage?  Does he have cute little matching Jack Daniels socks, too?

And gotta love the wine-in-the-box-outta-the-box.  Very classy.

Laura says her only regret about this photo is that she did not get a shot of this gentleman’s checkered flag pants.  He explained “when they fly off, you’re reached the finish line!”  Seriously.

(The Wander Woman offers an irreverent recap of her “adventures on the road less traveled.”)

CASHING IN ON IRONY: Icehotel's Icebar served frozen drinks to delegates at Copenhagen's Climate Change Summit.

SUBMITTED BY: Eugene Mirman  LOCATION: Copenhagen (2009)

Eugene Mirman, the edgiest Russian-American comedian since Yakov Smirnoff, relaxes at the Icebar at Copenhagen’s Icehotel during some downtime at the United Nations Climate Change Conference.

Revelers are issued Antarctic-quality parkas — which really alters the meat-market singles scene — and there are plenty of goofy photo-ops for both the sober and drunk clientele.

Here, Mr. Mirman does his best impression of Austin Powers frozen for eternity — and we do notice a rather subtle nod to the googly-eyes of legendary comedian Marty Feldman.

SMARTER THAN TED WILLIAMS -- Comedian Eugene Mirman sprung for his whole body to be frozen, not just his loveable head.

The big question: Does the Icehotel have ice machines for the rooms or are you supposed to take a chisel to the hallway?

(Eugene Mirman recently hit Number 5 on Amazon.com’s Best Comedy Albums of 2009. Find out how he really feels about Iranian madman Mahmoud Ahmadinejad).

The Infamous Cairo Camel Leap is not as easy as it looks!

SUBMITTED BY: Emily Berezin   LOCATION: Cairo, Egypt (2009)

Wouldn’t the Middle East Peace talks be a little less boring with cheerleaders?

This once-in-a-lifetime pose was not done with Photoshop or trick photography. Emily simply jumped off the camel, which is resting on its stomach on the scorching desert sands of Giza.

Emily’s enthusiasm, optimism and exuberance (we read a lot into a facial expression) represents the upbeat attitude of the Tacky Tourist Photos executive board as we launch a new decade of searching for the world’s silliest vacation photos.

From all of us here in the TTP newsroom, HAPPY NEW YEAR!

(Globetrotter Emily Berezin, a pioneer in recycled supermarket fashions, frequently enjoys playing dress-up with the Ecuadorian military).